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Words Hurt




Each month I blog about something that will help people with some of their issues, their blocks, their mindset. I also do 3 posts a day on TikTok to help motivate comfort or aspire people and yet even though I have a loyal following on TikTok (for which I thank you) my views and reads are still low yet a TikTok of someone struggling mid life or ranting about some poor service, that goes viral or the readership of a blog about a lukewarm coffee from a well-known coffee house or a blog pointing out that another shop is closed in the High Street get thousands of reads.

What does that tell us about us as a nation?


We are so used to being fed negative news and views, but we can't accept it when we read something positive or uplifting. The sceptic in us thinks it's a scam or a trick to make us part with money.


What if, we start to think differently. Yes, it takes some doing but it can be done. Our programming starts from a very young age. Think about it, how was we spoken to, what were we told?

“STOP crying you're fine.”

You were not fine, but you stopped asking for help because you felt like no one cared.

“WHY can't you be more like???"

This is a major blow to your self-esteem you make yourself fill as if you are not good enough.

" If you EVER do that again I will disown you”

A statement like that will stop your child coming to you for help when they need it. They won't know what's right or wrong.

" I'm DISAPPOINTED in you.”

Sure there may be times when you are disappointed, but you are disappointed in their behaviour not the child but they don't realise that.

“What's WRONG with you?”

This is OK to ask in a compassionate zone however, said in anger to a child will get the child questioning themselves what is wrong with me?

 



What about how we speak to teenagers or young adults it's the same affect.

 

 “ I don’t know how we are going to pay the bills this month.”

They are powerless to help to add to the home's finances so saying that loads on them, which can make them anxious.

“You will NEVER be any different.”

In general you should avoid using words like always and never when speaking to a child or teenager because it can make them feel hopeless and Incapable of improving.

“You are being too sensitive.”

Telling a child this is a way of shifting the responsibility of an uncaring parent or adult to the child / teen / adult it makes him feel inadequate. Being sensitive does not make someone weak, being sensitive can show people that you care.

“Leave me alone.”

Yes they may be driving you up the wall, but consistently telling them to leave you alone, could damage their way of thinking about spending time with you, they begin to think that there is no point in talking to you so they bottle it up and they can become anxious, stressed or depressed because they feel they have no one to turn to.

“You did great BUT why can't you do that all the time?”

when a compliment is immediately followed up with a BUT it places the focus on the negative instead of the positive.

“Don't eat that or you will get FAT!”

Encouraging children or teens to eat healthier, you need to focus on the benefits of food, not on negative perceptions of their weight, commenting at all on weight only causes worry and hurts their self esteem.

“You're being ridiculous.”                                   

Our children, whatever age look to us to validate their feelings, so if you dismiss them it makes them feel as if they don’t matter. If you don’t understand what they are doing. Ask them, don’t dismiss them.

“I’m disappointed in you” (AGAIN)

These words are often spoken to children or teens at times when they already feel bad, so these words just add to their pain. Talk to them ask them how they're feeling.




 

Have you ever been at your wits end and said some of the following statements.

“I wish I’d never had you”

This one statement can never be taken back. The damage is done, and the moment those words are uttered, the recipient feels unloved, lost, angry and so many mixed emotions.

“YOU were an accident”

In that one statement you have just told that person, they were never wanted. You have no love for them and that they ruined your life.

“You’ll never or YOU CAN’T”

Any words that follow these two statements doesn’t matter. The damage has been done, the barriers have gone up and their mind has gone into shut down, because you said they will NEVER. In that one statement you took away their right dream, to believe, to accomplish.

“I’m too busy”

Never make excuses of being too busy. What they hear is ‘I can’t be bothered’ or ‘You don’t matter to me’ Remember life can be taken away in a flash. Wouldn’t it be a shame if you were too busy to say ‘GOODBYE’.

“NEVER tell anyone about this”.

A secret can literally wrap your child /teen/young adults mins in chains, regardless of age. Saying this CAN and WILL be damaging, destroying and cause that person Anxiety, stress and of course trust issues.



 

How about common conversation phrases you should also avoid.

“No offense, BUT”

If there is no offense, WHY would we be worried about potentially causing it? WHY! Because we know perfectly well they will take offense. Same as

“DON’T take this personally”

It’s just a phrase to get you off the hook before you hurt or anger someone.

“We need to talk”

This statement will send the receiver into a panic spiral.

“It’s just a joke”

Is it? Are they laughing.

And finally

“FINE”

Is there a more passive-aggressive word in the English language? It shows that you just CAN’T BE BOTHERED.

Most of us have said them or had them said to us, and now I realise the damage those words can do. So many of my clients come to me for hypnotherapy because of words that were said to them many years ago.

Can you see the pattern? We have all done it, we are all guilty of this, but we can change. We to make a difference. Start looking for the positive things in your life start being grateful for the little things, stop reading negative posts, be more positive in what you do and how you think. Flip those negative thoughts in to a positive it can be done.

Bottom line THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. WORDS HURT.

I hope you get something from this blog. . If we watch our words from this moment on, perhaps we can help grow a generation of more positive, stronger minded, more focused individuals who believe in themselves and not what they read on social media.

Until next month. Have a good one and stay positive.

Jon

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